17 Mart 2010 Çarşamba


I must find you a name
A name that will bring you more than I will when I call it
You should turn your head to me with this name and
That voice should talk about me, all the things I do not know
And all the things I am not

I found a voice
While looking for your name in the flowers instead
While passing a valley in my memories about you
A voice that is pastʼs veil and meaning of future
You were created and I got lost in its meaning

While calling your name I love turning
My face to the sun.. when my face gets together with yours a ʻmoonʼ is being born
Earth is being shaken to its bones afterwords
I remember my past years as if you were in it; walking around
A circle, a plain and a mountain

You must believe.. Why does a man exist
Why does rain empty his hands
And what is he waiting for in a reverie between eyebrows
He holds the rain drops as if he rejoins them
He finds it in his non existent past and the tomorrow he hasnʼt lived

I havenʼt said anything
but you understood
Where are you in the midst of my loneliness
Where is my heart in this unwhispered love
You are not here but here always here

If I wake up it ill be an evening Iʼll be late
When I close my eyes to the sun that rises from you
The drops of the raw sunrise that is in the light of your eyes
Say I was thirsty you were there but I was alone, then
Fragrance of your lips will never go away regardless of how much I kiss them

On watch guard by a pool of water
Even the days not yet lived are happier than the ones lived
I see you growing up when I look at yesterday
It is even more than you just being with me
Every morning I find a promise in my bed

I need to find you a name
Faster than sound, said without being called an immortal adjective
That means an unborn sounds of a wave from the ocean
That has lived my life and comprehends after life
May this name always echo when I am quiet

Letʼs leave all of our lovemaking to tomorrow
To tree on your skin is like taking a bath in the ocean
To wish to name a child with each your breath
My voice goes through a river that we bathed naked
Becomes a man in your heart, an oasis on your dry lips

You are not here and this must have a star in the sky
A shooting star that I donʼt see when I turn my head
Or it should shine on my window in the mornings before dawn
Your light should bring your absence and thatʼs the only way I can take
Your absence, the time and distance between us

I am more in you as time goes by
I get lost more in the sky which is you as I wait more
Clouds become birds birds become an unopened invitation
I say your name awake without sleeping till morning as if you were here
I talk to the lavender that Iʼve never smelled

When you ask me to tell you a story
When I tell you the meaning of life
I see the fear get bigger in your eyes, then
I hold your hands and because you gave it its meaning
I thank you a thousand times

Before you came to my life, no garden
Had flowers no towers in any towns
And only a few suspicious fruit in trees
Our bodies wrapped tree trunks
A winding bed that make you confess

No street sign would say to come here
When the others say come here
I would ask the moon that came out with your head where
I see our ocean in it, the one that we multiply in
As I see your eyes that make my suspicions my oath

I never promised to fall down from the peak of the joy
I donʼt have promises to make your desires bigger or hidden
As long as you are not the hottest waters in the ocean to warm my feet
I am not going to recognize the wind that is named you
And I am going to stand as the most solemn mountain in front of you

(Translated by Zeynep Koç Kleiman)